Teaching a Child to Share: Insights from a Professional
In the world of preschoolers, refusing to share doesn't necessarily mean a child will be forever selfish. Jane Nelsen, author of "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers," reminds parents that young children are acting age-appropriately when they refuse to share [1].
To effectively teach young children sharing skills, a combination of playful activities, language, patience, clear rules, modeling, and assertiveness is essential.
Playful activities with turn-taking are key to helping children grasp the mutual benefits of sharing. Games and shared play experiences, such as a “Toy Swap” event, provide a fun, low-pressure environment where children can practice sharing and taking turns [1].
Encouraging children to use words to express their feelings and needs is another effective strategy. By helping them say, “I’m waiting for my turn” or “Can I play with that toy after you?”, conflicts are reduced, and assertiveness is supported [4].
Teaching children patience and waiting is crucial. Setting clear expectations, using timers, or structured routines can guide children to wait for their turn. Praise their patience and cooperation to reinforce positive behavior [1][5].
Establishing simple, clear sharing rules is also vital. Creating and consistently enforcing basic rules about sharing, such as “We take turns” or “We ask before borrowing,” makes these rules predictable and easy to understand [4].
Adults should demonstrate sharing and respectful problem-solving explicitly. Verbalize your thought process when resolving conflicts and managing waiting times so children learn by example [4][2].
Encouraging assertiveness with empathy is another important aspect. Teach children to state their needs firmly yet kindly while recognizing others' feelings. Role-playing scenarios allow practice in a safe, supportive space to build confidence and social awareness [2].
Changing the language from "sharing" to "taking turns" can help plant the seeds for problem-solving. When a child grabs a toy from another, it's important to guide their hand back to the friend who had it first, rather than taking the toy back [3].
Remember, every child has their own personality, and some may need help learning to be assertive when sharing. Hosting a playdate can provide an opportunity to discuss expectations with a child, such as putting away special toys or understanding what is acceptable behavior when a guest is present [6].
Affirming children when they wait their turn patiently can help reinforce positive behavior. Repeating lessons on sharing over time can help children understand the concept, but it's a practice that requires patience [7].
It's important to understand that sharing is a complex concept for young children due to their cognitive development. The "Toddler Rules of Ownership" humorously illustrate a young child's understanding of ownership, including statements like "If I like it, it's mine" and "If it's in my hand, it's mine." Role-playing with stuffed animals, puppets, or other characters can be an effective way to teach children about taking turns and negotiation [2].
Modeling sharing through food can be an effective way to teach the concept, using phrases like "Would you like some of my bagel? Let's share it." Teaching children to ask for what they need assertively, such as "I wasn't done with my turn yet," can help them develop assertiveness [3].
Teaching sharing can be approached as an opportunity to teach deeper life skills such as social skills, compassion, patience, emotional regulation, empathy, flexibility, awareness of others and self, and healthy boundaries [8]. Children are learning new neurological pathways when they play, which takes time and practice [9]. The prefrontal cortex of young children is still developing, making sharing a challenging mental exercise.
- Preschool activities focused on turn-taking help children learn the mutual benefits of sharing.
- Helping kids express their feelings and needs with words reduces conflicts and supports assertiveness.
- Teaching patience and waiting is crucial for helping children understand the concept of sharing.
- Clear sharing rules with consistent enforcement are vital for children to comprehend the importance of sharing.
- Adults should model sharing and respectful problem-solving to teach children through example.
- Encouraging assertiveness with empathy helps children recognize others' feelings while stating their needs firmly.
- Role-playing scenarios can provide a safe, supportive space for children to practice sharing and taking turns.
- Sharing is a complex concept for young children due to their cognitive development, making it essential to approach the practice as a means of teaching deeper life skills.
